


i was wondering maybe (could i make you my baby)

by admiralholdo



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: F/F, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, basically a gigantic fluff fest, so yeah., this is deeply self indulgent, which i guess is not totally off brand for the movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 04:23:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14927066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admiralholdo/pseuds/admiralholdo
Summary: ‘‘Oh, hey, nice Wonder Woman poster,’’ Abby says, pointing to the left wall, as Leah is getting up and turning towards her.Leah’s breath does a weird catch-and-restart in her throat. She’d forgotten she had that here. It’s a relatively old poster, worn at the edges, a bit washed out from the time the wall had been overtaken by humidity. It’s the cover of one of her favorite Wonder Woman comic issues, and one of her favorite posters. She had a really big Wonder Woman phase, as she was one of her first fictional lady crushes, even before she’d known that was what it was.‘‘Oh. Yeah. She’s, um, my favorite superhero,’’ Leah says. Her cheeks feel oddly warm, and she can’t quite bring herself to look right at Abby. She remembers, suddenly, Abby appearing in Nick’s backyard last Halloween wearing a Wonder Woman costume.Alternatively,Leah has a huge crush on Abby. Abby has a huge crush on Leah. They're both useless teenagers who don't notice things. You all know how this goes.





	i was wondering maybe (could i make you my baby)

**Author's Note:**

> A few disclaimers:  
> * I have actually never read either of the books, so everything is based entirely on movie-verse. I did get Leah's drumming and drawing from the books tho (and I only know about those via my Tumblr dashboard oop)  
> * Let us pretend Teens These Days will look through stacks of dvds instead of just looking for something to watch on Netflix, ok?  
> * This is, like, entirely self indulgent. Seriously.  
> * Title is from City and Colour's cover of Alicia Keys' Unthinkable (I'm Ready) because I'm nothing if not entirely cliché

It doesn’t take Leah a lot of time after Simon and Bram start dating to realize that her crush on Simon wasn’t much of a crush at all.

She’s not sure what it was, exactly. A safe and predictable projection. Almost too predictable, really. Crushing on your cute and supportive childhood friend, who never really showed a lot of interest in girls (even the ones he dated), is about as safe and cliché as Leah could get. She always thought of it as a futile thing, and looking back, even that is telling, that she couldn’t even get herself to conjure up a fantasy where they got together.

It also doesn’t take much for Leah to realize, following her acceptance that she wasn’t ever into Simon like _that_ , that she latched onto the idea of him because it meant, well, that she didn’t have to think about the fact that maybe she wanted something that _wasn’t_ predictable, or entirely safe.

Namely, _girls_.

Seeing Simon openly dating Bram, being tooth-rotting sweet with his boyfriend like it’s the best, most natural thing in the world, definitely nudges Leah towards this realization.

Which doesn’t necessarily mean she’s about to _tell_ anyone. Not even Simon. Even thinking about telling any of her friends makes her stomach clamp shut. 

_Baby steps_ , she thinks.

‘‘Earth to Leah,’’ Abby singsongs, a warm hand placed on Leah’s upper arm. When Leah looks at her, only half out of her internal musings, Abby smiles at her. ‘‘Hi. Can you pass me some fries?’’

‘‘Oh. Yeah, sorry. Here’’

Abby’s smile stretches into a grin, and she leans into Leah a bit more to plant a swift peck on her cheek, before sticking a bunch of fries in her mouth and turning towards Nick to renew whatever their conversation was.

Leah can only pick at her lunch and count her breaths in her head, and decide that, yes, baby steps for now is just fine.

***

Somewhere between graduation and the first week of summer break, Abby and Nick break up.

Nick announces it while away on a weekend family trip via a text that he sends both Leah and Simon, which contains only one sentence and no further clarification.

Leah doesn’t ask about it even after he comes back, or even when she sees Abby, and she’s not sure she really wants to know. Simon doesn’t ask about it either, even though he clearly does want to know.

‘‘We shouldn’t ask, right?’’ Simon asks, laying on his bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

‘‘Simon,’’ Leah admonishes, also staring at the ceiling.

It’s half past midnight on a Friday night, and it feels like they’re the only two people awake in the whole town. The lights are all low in Simon’s bedroom, and both Leah and Simon had too much junk food and soda for dinner to want to do anything but lay down belly up. Something mellow is playing through Simon’s speakers that Leah can’t recognize, but she’s sure it’s something Bram recommended. Leah’s chest rises and falls with deep, slow breaths, her limbs feel like they’re slowly melting into Simon’s bed, and she thinks she could contently stay here for another ten years, hiding away from life.

‘‘I’m just saying’’

‘‘Just-- we should give them some room’’

‘‘It’s been like a week. That we know of. And it was so -- out of nowhere’’

Leah is not as sure as Simon that it was ‘‘so out of nowhere’’, especially if she considers those last few weeks before the end of school. There was Abby going back to her usual lunch spot next to Leah, when she’d spend basically every lunch since she started going out with Nick sitting right next to him. There was that night Nick insisted on driving Leah home and dropping Abby off first, because it was ‘more practical’, even though he usually always dropped Abby off last. There were the weird gaps in conversation, and the weirder looks exchanged when they thought no one was paying attention.

Leah hadn’t really thought much of these things then, but now, after days of careful avoidance and awkward half conversations that end abruptly when the other arrives, Leah thinks this may have been coming for some time.

She’s not so sure whether she should tell Simon this, though. She’d probably have to explain why she was paying attention in the first place, and she doesn’t even have an answer for _herself_ for that, let alone for Simon.

‘‘Well, I don’t know, Si. I don’t think we can just ask them while we’re all hanging out. It’ll be super awkward’’

‘‘It’s already awkward,’’ Simon says, and he sounds as down about it as Leah feels.

The thing is, this was their last big summer all together before they inevitably go their (mostly) separate ways. Leah doesn’t think they’ll stop talking to each other or anything, their bond has always felt too strong for them to just fall apart because they’re not together all day. But she also knows that they’re scattering to different cities and different states, and life will get bigger, and more complicated, and they won’t get to see each other as much as they may want to. This summer was their very last as a unit, the culmination of life as they’ve known it all these years, and they’ve spent their first week of it carefully tiptoeing around each other. 

It feels wrong, and Leah wishes she could find a way to fix it.

Simon sighs, and Leah feels him shift his weight to rest on his side, facing her. ‘‘This sucks,’’ he says.

‘‘Yeah’’

‘‘I wish they’d work things out, you know? Get back together’’

Leah wants to agree to that too, because of course she wants Abby and Nick to work things out. They’re her friends, and she wants them to be happy. She wants all of them to be happy and enjoy their last summer. But there’s a strange knot in her stomach that she won’t name, and her jaw seems permanently shut, and she hates herself a little for not being able to say that small ‘‘yeah’’ that’s lodged itself in her throat.

Thankfully, Simon’s phone chimes with a text from Bram just then (she knows it’s Bram because Simon has custom tones for his calls and texts), and he turns away from her. Their bubble is not quite broken - Bram has, after all, become a part of it -, but it’s expanded enough that Leah can release the breath she’d been holding.

She lays there next to Simon, listening to his typing and his occasional contented sighs, and tells herself it’s fine. They’ll be fine. Whatever awkwardness is between Abby and Nick will be smoothed out. Maybe they’ll even get back together, and she’ll be happy for them. They’ll have a good last summer break, and then they’ll go to college, and to the rest of their lives.

***

The silence is taut enough for a knife to slice it in half, and even Bram’s careful shifting in his seat feels too loud.

This was definitely not the direction Leah expected their breakfast to go in, and she’s tempted to put all the blame on Lyle, even though all he did was ask a question while refilling her coffee. She’s sure Simon is thinking it too, by the look he threw after Lyle after he awkwardly retreated from the table, his question left unanswered.

It’d been an innocent enough question to make (‘‘Hey, where’s Abby at these days? I haven’t seen her come in with you guys these past few days’’), and Leah knows, rationally, that he couldn’t have possibly known how complicated the answer was at this moment.

But she still kind of wishes she could throw her spoon at him.

Nick looks like he’s frozen between a full-body cringe and getting off the booth, and Leah can sympathize. She now feels like she made a big mistake choosing the spot between the window and him. The booth, for one, seems to be shrinking, the sun seems a bit warmer, and the glare reflecting off her phone is right in her eyes.

Simon is lightly tapping a finger against the table, and before he opens his mouth Leah already knows he’s going to speak. ‘‘So,’’ he says. ‘‘Abby’’

 _Smooth, Spier_.

There’s a moment of utter silence in which Bram closes his eyes in complete mortification, and Leah does her best to stay still and not throw the nearest utensil at Simon, who doesn’t look regretful enough. And then, Nick releases a breath that seems to deflate his entire self, and he puts both hands on top of the counter, looking somewhere between relieved and tired. ‘‘I guess we can’t do this much longer, huh?’’ he shakes his head, his eyes laser-focused on his fingers. ‘‘It’s alright, I mean- we broke up, but it wasn’t like, awful. We don’t hate each other or anything. It’s just kind of awkward right now. But we’ll be fine, I think. We’re just giving it some time before we, um, hang out and stuff’’

One beat of silence passes, and then: 

‘‘Oh,’’ Leah says to her napkin, too aware that Nick has yet to given an actual why.

‘‘Yeah,’’ Nick says to his hands, clearly not willing to give a why just yet.

‘‘So we won’t have to like, choose between you guys?’’ Simon says to Nick, and Bram sighs pointedly.

It’s a weak attempt, half-joke, half-serious, but it gets Nick to look up at him. ‘‘No, man. Come on’’

Simon nods matter of factly, one corner of his lips tipped ever so slightly up. ‘‘Oh, good. Good. I just wasn’t sure how I was going to break it to you that we were going to be ending the friendship’’

They’re all almost smiling now. Even Leah, who still feels like there isn’t enough air in this Waffle House.

Bram adds, ‘‘He went through all the options. Carrier pigeon, text, Leah, his mom. His _sister_ ’’

‘‘Your _sister_? Really, dude?’’ Nick says, all mock indignation.

‘‘Hey, she’s scary when she wants. Scarier than me for sure,’’ Simon says, and just like that, Nick is letting out a hoarse laugh, and leaning back on his seat. It feels like an air bubble being released, all the blood rushing back in.

Simon and Bram look at each other all smiley, and Leah looks sideways at Nick. She finds him looking at her with a curious look in his eyes that she’s not sure she understands. He seems like he might be saying something, but then he just smiles at her, small and private, and he knocks her knee beneath the table, and Leah knocks it back. She smiles then, finally, and is glad for the warm morning sun and Nick’s solid presence next to her.

***

Things don’t entirely go back to normal after their breakfast at Waffle House. 

Nick and Abby still seem to mostly show up right when the other one isn’t there, but their conversations flow better now, and there seems to be entirely less not-so-subtle-or-silent agonizing on Simon’s part. And Leah, well, Leah does her best to seem normal, and doesn’t understand why she wouldn’t feel normal in the first place, which results in afternoons spent drumming in her basement until she manages to drown out her weird feelings. 

It’s not _hiding_ , she tells herself. Why would she even need to _hide_.

She never really has an answer for herself, so she just drums. It’s loud, and easy, and familiar enough now after three years that she doesn’t have to think about it too much.

It’s also good because neither Nick nor Simon are inclined to come over and hang out while she’s in here, or anyone for that matter, because she’s made it pretty explicit that this is her alone time, no trespassers allowed, etcetera.

Which is why, when she finishes her session on a particularly quiet Tuesday and finds Abby sitting at the foot of the stairs, she nearly has multiple heart attacks. She even drops one stick, which is just undignified.

Abby lifts her hands up, but she seems like she’s trying to hold back a grin. ‘‘Sorry. Your mom let me in. She said it was okay to come down’’

Leah can remember at least five instances in the past few weeks of her telling her mom that she doesn’t want anyone in here while she’s playing the drums, but she doesn’t mention that. ‘‘What are you-,’’ she cuts herself off, realizing that her tone was about to come off a tad too harsh. ‘‘What’s up?’’

Abby opens her mouth and closes it again. She seems a bit distracted, her eyes roaming the room, her teeth nibbling on her bottom lip. Her eyes finally land on Leah, and she nods towards her, ‘‘You’re really good at that’’

Leah looks down at her hands. She supposes she’s alright at drumming, considering that she’s been doing it for about three years. But she’s not sure how much her skill matters, she just _likes_ doing it. It releases her tension, allows her a safe space from the outside world, and even herself at times. She shrugs. ‘‘I like to practice whenever I can’’

Abby hums, and Leah tries not to fidget under gaze. Abby finally shakes her head lightly, as if shaking herself from a trance, and smiles tentatively at Leah. ‘‘Are you doing anything tonight? I was thinking we could go see a dumb movie together, make fun of it. Eat something afterwards’’

‘‘Oh,’’ Leah says dumbly. She’s not sure if she’s imagining it, but she doesn’t think that ‘together’ includes Simon or Bram or Nick. ‘‘Um. Yeah, no. I mean, I’m not doing anything. A movie would be cool’’

Abby’s response is a blinding smile, all teeth and eye-crinkles. Leah has to blink to assimilate it being directed entirely at her. ‘‘Awesome!’’ she says, clapping her hands together. Really, whatever her feelings were when they first met, Leah totally gets now how half of the school fell in love with Abby Suso within a single year. ‘‘I have a couple of ideas for the movie, but we can decide on the way, or when we get there’’

Leah just nods. If she’s being honest, she feels a little blindsided. About a minute ago she was blissfully drumming her frustration away, now there’s Abby, sitting on the bottom step of her basement stairs, smiling like it’s her own personal mission to bring sunshine to every dark room.

‘‘I, um, need to tidy things up here a little first. Mom doesn’t like it when I leave a mess after drumming. And I should probably shower, before we go. Drumming for more than one hour gets kind of gross’’

‘‘Oh, alright. Do you need help tidying up?” Abby says. 

She’s already pushing herself up when Leah says, “No, it’s ok. You can just,” Leah holds up both of her hands, moves them in a weird circular motion. “You can stay there. It’ll be a second”

Abby sits back down, and Leah turns and kneels, starts arranging the mess around her drum kit.

‘‘It’s a good look on you, though,’’ Abby says to Leah’s back after a beat.

‘‘Huh?’’

‘‘Drummer chick. You pull it off’’

Leah does a weird snort-laugh. She hates it the second it comes out of her mouth, and she’s glad that she’s kneeling with her back to Abby, so her embarrassing blush is entirely hidden.

Abby doesn’t say anything else, and a comfortable, if a bit expectant, silence falls between them. There’s only the sound of Leah putting things back in their place, and of Abby tapping a melody with her foot. Leah thinks it sounds vaguely like the beat she was just playing on the drums.

She’s thankful for the moment of silence, if only because it allows her to collect herself. It’s not that her and Abby have never hung out, it’s just that Abby’s never been in her house without any of the guys also being here, or actively sought her out to do something just the two of them like this. It’s, well, it’s kind of strange, and it makes Leah feel like there’s a colony of fluttering bugs rioting inside her stomach.

‘‘Oh, hey, nice Wonder Woman poster,’’ Abby says, pointing to the left wall, as Leah is getting up and turning towards her.

Leah’s breath does a weird catch-and-restart in her throat. She’d forgotten she had that here. It’s a relatively old poster, worn at the edges, a bit washed out from the time the wall had been overtaken by humidity. It’s the cover of one of her favorite Wonder Woman comic issues, and one of her favorite posters. She had a really big Wonder Woman phase, as she was one of her first fictional lady crushes, even before she’d known that was what it was.

‘‘Oh. Yeah. She’s, um, my favorite superhero,’’ Leah says. Her cheeks feel oddly warm, and she can’t quite bring herself to look right at Abby. She remembers, suddenly, Abby appearing in Nick’s backyard last Halloween wearing a Wonder Woman costume.

She clears her throat louder than is probably necessary, and adds, ‘‘We should probably go upstairs. I still need to shower’’

Abby smiles at her, and gets up from the bottom step to allow Leah to pass through.

They go upstairs, and Abby waits for Leah in her room while she showers, peppering her with random questions about her room, and her drumming, and her sketchbook, which she unfortunately finds laying on Leah’s desk.

(‘‘You’re _really_ good, Leah,’’ Abby says, so earnest it’s hard not to believe her. She flips another page of the sketchbook. ‘‘Like, _damn_ ’’

Leah is drying her hair, and she makes sure to blow it all in front of her face. ‘‘Thanks, I- thanks’’

‘‘Oh my god, is this Simon? He’s so cute here’’

‘‘Well, I _am_ her best friend. If I don’t do it, who’s gonna’’

Abby laughs, and then, ‘‘Oh gosh, and _Nick_. Okay, you have to do me soon. I cannot be the only one missing here’’

Leah laughs, and thanks her lucky stars that her other sketchbook, the one that definitely has at least a few Abby Susos, is safely stored in her drawer).

They take Abby’s mom’s car to the theater, where they pick the dumbest sounding movie in the lineup and spend the entire time snickering in the back row of the otherwise empty showing and passing the popcorn back and forth. After that, they drive to a burger place Leah’s passed a million times but has never gone into. Turns out, Abby has, and the guy at the counter greets her with an honest to god goofy handshake, explosion sound effects included. Leah can never be too amazed at how Abby magnetizes people to her, how easy she makes it all seem. Like all it takes is one smile and one flash of her deeply dark eyes, and the person’s life is forever changed.

They have two burgers and two shakes to go, and they get back in the car. They drive around with the windows rolled down, the summer night bright and blooming around them, still smelling slightly of spring flowers. Abby drives carefully, without a hurry, like she’s slowly memorizing every turn and block, like she has all the time in the world to be here with Leah.

They talk, and eat, and sing loudly to every cheesy pop song that comes up on Abby’s playlist. They even talk about Nick, Abby saying basically what Nick had told them. _It’s just weird right now, but we’re okay. It was for the best_. Leah still doesn’t know how she feels about it, except that she wants all of them together again, so if Abby moves on quickly from the subject, Leah doesn’t mention it.

It feels, strangely, like the longest and shortest night of Leah’s life. It feels like the _idea_ of a summer night, like this is exactly what all those songs about star-filled clear night skies and sweet-scented summer breezes are always going on about.

‘‘This is nice,’’ Abby says, when they’re rounding up the corner of the park Simon and Leah used to go to all the time as kids. There’s enough of _something_ in her voice, though, that Leah has to turn her head to look at her.

‘‘What?’’ Leah asks.

‘‘What?’’

Leah just waits. Abby just sighs eventually, the car slowing down, and: ‘‘It’s just. It’s dumb but. This is _nice_. And I didn’t think,’’ Abby pauses, Leah watches her hands grip the steering wheel tighter. ‘‘I guess part of me didn’t think I’d get to do nice things with you - or Simon - after you know”

Leah frowns. “You thought we’d take sides?”

“Not _sides_ but - I don’t know, I guess I thought you’d choose Nick, if it came down to having to choose. I mean, come on. You guys have known each other forever”

It’s weird to even think of Abby Suso doubting anyone’s willingness to want to stick with her. Funny, kind, charismatic Abby Suso. Smile like a summer sunrise Abby Suso. Leah thinks anyone who’d leave her behind would be a complete moron. But Leah also remembers a conversation she’d had with Simon, about Abby being so far away from everyone she grew up with, and about her dad, and she thinks she gets it. It’s not like it’s entirely unfounded either, she _did_ spend the first few months being weird enough towards Abby that Simon thought she was _jealous_. Leah thinks she’d probably - definitely - have the same fear if she were in Abby’s place. 

She remembers Nick’s adamant reply at Simon’s half-joking question, though, and she shakes her head at Abby. “I mean, we _have_ known Nick forever. And I love him. But we wouldn’t just cut you off. I think I can speak for both Simon and me when I say that we’re sticking to you. To both of you”

Abby gives her a shy smile in return. Leah doesn’t think she’s seen this one before, a barely-there tilt of her lips, her eyes soft and honest. Abby’s so _earnest_ , Leah has come realize. There isn’t much she doesn’t mean.

“I mean it,” she says, feeling like she needs to make sure she clears Abby’s doubts, like she needs Abby to understand that she - they - wouldn’t leave her. “You’re kind of stuck with us now, Suso”

Abby’s smile grows wider, and Leah can’t be sure because of the light, but Abby looks slightly flushed as she says, quiet, ‘‘Thanks, Burke’’

‘‘Don’t mention it,’’ Leah says, and closes her eyes to the cool wind as Abby speeds off into the summer night.

***

‘‘Nick!’’ Leah screams into the phone. ‘‘Movie night, tomorrow night, my place. Be there’’

‘‘Oh, hey Leah. Cool!’’ Nick says. ‘‘Oh! I’ll let Abby know too, she’s right here’’

Leah hears a muffled, _Hey, Leah_ , that’s definitely Abby’s chipper voice.

 _Okay_. Leah can’t say she’s not a bit disoriented. Her night out with Abby was three days ago, and, as per Abby, the status of their relationship was officially Still Kind of Awkward.

‘‘Oh?’’ Leah says, and realizes too late that her shooting-for-casual tone missed the mark completely.

There’s a beat of silence, in which Nick seems to catch up to the fact that him and Abby hanging out is not something so normal to Leah anymore, and he says, ‘‘Yeah, um. We’ve been speaking again,’’ to Leah’s dumbfounded silence, Nick adds, ‘‘It’s not like _that_. We’re definitely staying friends now but, you know, it’s nice. Being friends. Plus I’m sure Simon will like, die of happiness that he doesn’t have to carefully schedule our outings to avoid awkwardness anymore’’

Leah cringes, ‘‘Ah. You noticed he was doing that?’’

‘‘He’s not exactly subtle, that Simon Spier,’’ Nick says, amused, and Leah really has no rebuttal for that.

‘‘How did it happen, though?’’ she asks, because she can’t help herself.

‘‘Well, you know how his parents are-’’

‘‘No, I meant, um. You and Abby’’

‘‘Oh. She, um, called me the other night. Said that it’s dumb that we’re weren’t speaking to each other, considering that our breakup was more of a mutual-maybe-this-isn’t-right thing and that I’m kind of stuck with her now whether I like it or not,’’ he laughs a little at that. ‘‘And, I don’t know, she was right. It _was_ dumb’’

‘‘Oh,’’ Leah says, suddenly unable to form a more complex sentence. Her mind has zeroed-in on Abby telling Nick that he’s ‘stuck with her’. She feels a weird sensation in her chest, remembering Abby’s fragile look on Tuesday night as she confessed to being scared Leah and Simon would choose Nick over her, and Leah telling her that they wouldn’t, that she was stuck with them. She presses a hand to her chest to try to ease the spreading pressure. ‘‘Well. That’s great,’’ she says, and her voice comes out thinner than she would’ve expected.

‘‘Yeah,’’ Nick says, and Leah can clearly hear him smiling through the phone. ‘‘Oh, I have to go. Our food’s here. See you tomorrow?’’

Leah makes herself take one steadying breath, and says, ‘‘Yeah, that’s fine. Great. See you, Nick’’

‘‘See ya. Oh, Abby says bye’’

‘‘Bye,’’ Leah says, and keeps her phone pressed to her ear well after Nick’s hung up.

***

Movie night arrives at Leah’s, and she’s set up everything in her basement. Popcorn and sugary drinks and other various snacks, blankets, and her full collection of dvds.

Nick shows up first, by virtue of living right across the street from Leah, carrying a box full of more dvds in his arms. Simon shows up next with Bram in tow, and when Abby finally arrives, Simon looks over at Nick, and Leah looks over at Simon.

Nick glances briefly up from the stacks of dvds he’s inspecting, says ‘‘Hey, Abby,’’ and looks back down.

Simon finds Leah’s eyes across the room as Abby says, ‘‘Hey, guys. What are we doing?’’

Simon widens his positively sparkling eyes at Leah, and she just rolls hers at him. 

It’s not like Nick and Abby being friendly towards each other is a surprise. After her conversation with Nick the previous day, Leah had filled in Simon with everything Nick had told her, about them being well on their way to being on normal friend terms again, just like before they’d been dating. ‘‘ _Minus the painfully obvious flirting, obviously_ ,’’ as Nick had put it later, when he’d texted both Simon and Leah.

Neither Simon nor Leah have seen them _interact_ since, though, so Leah guesses that’s why Simon, always needing all his friends to be getting along, looks like a puppy on christmas morning.

Leah tries her best not to be annoyed, and ends up being annoyed because, well, she doesn’t know who or what she’s annoyed at. _Stop being dumb_.

‘‘Choosing a movie,’’ Bram says, and Leah can see him subtly knocking Simon’s calf with his foot.

‘‘And we’re not watching a romcom,’’ Nick says. ‘‘ _Simon_ ’’

Abby and Bram laugh, and Simon pulls a theatrically offended face. ‘‘Oh, come _on._ I don’t watch _that_ many’’

Bram is shaking his head, his lips pressed together to keep down a smile. ‘‘You kinda do, babe’’

‘‘Yeah, I’m with Eisner on this one,’’ Abby says, plopping down on the couch next to Nick. ‘‘It’s more of a horror movie type of night’’

‘‘ _Thank you_ ,’’ Nick exclaims. ‘‘I’ve been saying’’

‘‘Leah, what do you say?’’ Abby asks, and it takes Leah a couple of blinks to realize she’s talking to her. She thinks she’s just as boggled as Simon by all this… normalcy. She’s definitely glad it’s not awkward, but this is almost an extreme she didn’t expect.

‘‘Yeah. Horror’s fine,’’ she says, trying to shake herself off.

Abby smiles at her, and pats the empty space to her left. ‘‘Alright, come on. Let’s choose before Simon tries to make us watch Bridget Jones again’’

Leah sits next to Abby, who immediately puts one arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close. She’s warm and she smells faintly of flowers and Leah realizes she was probably just stupid to feel weird. It’s a relief, Leah decides, to see Nick and Abby sitting next to each other, sharing the same space like they never stopped.

Simon is rolling his eyes, ‘‘That was one time! And you know what, Bridget Jones is a _good_ movie’’

Nick, Abby, and Leah do their best not to laugh, and are not terribly successful. Bram pats Simon lovingly on the knee, ‘‘Give it up, Si,’’ he says, and Simon huffs out a concession to watch a horror movie, and it’s all normal again.

***

‘‘Did he forget or something?’’ Simon says, sitting up for the third time in about a minute.

They’ve made plans to go to a concert two cities over, and Nick’s late.

They’re sitting on the hood of Simon’s car, and it’s before ten in the morning, and they’ve been waiting for Nick to emerge from his house for almost half an hour now, and Leah thinks that if Simon asks where Nick is one more time, she might just get back in the car and lock the doors.

‘‘I hope not. He has the tickets,’’ she says.

‘‘We’re late already’’

Leah’s phone vibrates just then, a text from Abby asking where they are. ‘‘I know’’

Simon sighs, leans back again, and sips on his iced coffee. He tips his head back to the sun, sips more aggressively. Leah would find it funny if she didn’t also want to get to the concert in time.

She texts Abby back, who replies with a selfie, her eyes in mid-roll. Leah leans back next to Simon, and allows the soft morning sun to relax her. 

Things have, admittedly, gone relatively back to normal. Even better, really. Nick and Abby get along great, Simon and Bram are in blissful relationship heaven. Leah and Abby hang out a lot more now than they did in probably all the time they were in school, and Leah is simultaneously happy about it and upset at herself for having wasted all that time by being her weird, awkward self.

The eventual end of summer still looms like a cluster of storm clouds at the horizon though, and every day Leah feels like _something_ is slipping right through her fingers. She wonders if Simon feels the anxiety she does sometimes, or if being so sure in his relationship with both his parents and Bram takes some of that uncertainty away.

She doesn’t even know why she opens her mouth, and she’s sure she’s lost her damn mind when she says, completely unprompted, ‘‘Si, I like girls’’

Simon, the big overdramatic idiot, chokes on his iced coffee.

Leah just stares at him as he smacks at his chest, and she knows her pulse being so wild is idiotic, considering that Simon is _gay_ , but a ridiculous part of her is screaming that she really just wants Simon to be done coughing and say something or else she’s going to run to her house and lock herself up there and-

Simon’s looking at her, slightly frowning, slightly smiling, all sheepish with his face flushed. ‘‘ _Like_ like?’’

She rolls her eyes, her nerves still fried, and deadpans, ‘‘No, Simon. _Hate_ like’’

Simon’s smile reaches all the way up to his eyes, and Leah feels like maybe she can start breathing again. ‘‘Okay,’’ he says, devastatingly simple.

‘‘Okay?’’

And it’s ridiculous. Completely, endlessly embarrassing that Leah is tearing up as she sits on the hood of Simon’s car, as they wait for Nick to show up, when she’s known she likes girls for a while, and she’s confessing this thing she’s known for a while to her very best friend, who is gay and open about it.

But it’s nice to have it heard, and there’s a warmth in Leah’s chest that she’s never felt, that reaches places Leah always thought were just supposed to be cold. And Simon’s pulling her to him with one arm, and he’s warm too from sitting in the sun for so long, and he’s saying, ‘‘Yeah, Leah,’’ with enough honesty and love that Leah’s heart might just break and be put back together in the space of this moment. 

‘‘Okay’’

Simon laughs suddenly, and Leah can feel his whole chest shaking.

‘‘What?’’ she asks.

Simon shakes his head, and is barely able to stop to say, ‘‘My dad- He asked me the other day if I had other gay friends, because, you know, he read god knows where about how gay kids usually have other gay friends because they all find each other or something,’’ Simon laughs again, and Leah has to smile too, when he adds: ‘‘Can’t believe he was right’’

‘‘I am _so_ sorry, guys, I got up late and - hey, what’s up?’’ And there’s Nick stopping in front of the car, looking for all the world like he just woke up and took a haphazard shower, frowning up at them. ‘‘You guys alright?’’

Leah disentangles herself from Simon, and, because she has apparently lost all control of her mouth, says, ‘‘Yeah. We’re fine, I just- I told Si I like girls. _Like_ -like, not hate-like’’

Nick’s eyebrows shoot up, ‘‘Oh,’’ he says, and blinks one, two times.

The three of them just look at each other for a beat, and then Nick grins at Leah, ‘‘Cool’’

Leah’s heart feels like it might burst if she stays still for much longer, so she hops off the hood and says, ‘‘We’re gonna be late’’

‘‘ _Yeah_ ,’’ Simon says pointedly, getting into the driver’s seat.

Nick is rolling his eyes, but scurrying into the back seat next to Leah nonetheless. ‘‘Yeah, yeah, I know. I said sorry’’

‘‘You got the tickets?’’ Simon asks.

‘‘Duh, man,’’ Nick says, and puts an arm around Leah, quietly pulling her to him. He smells like the rose-scented body wash that Leah gave his mom once for mother’s day, and Leah smiles because he _definitely_ showered half asleep.

‘‘Alright, alright. Just checking,’’ Simon says. He pulls the car from the driveway, and throws one last smile at Leah through the rearview mirror.

***

It’s already well into the night when they’re driving back home, and Leah feels bone-tired and content. Her head is full of music and laughter and _friends_ , and she feels like whatever happens after the summer ends will be fine, because she’ll have these moments.

Like this: Leah telling Bram about liking girls on the line to get drinks for everyone, just because she feels like she can, and Bram bumping her shoulder and saying, in the most Bram Greenfeld voice, _Hey, welcome to the team_.

Like this: Abby throwing one arm around her during Leah’s favorite song, shouting _Hey, your favorite song!_ and singing all the lyrics along with her.

Like this, now: Simon driving with a smile on his face, Bram leaning into him as much as his seatbelt will allow him. Nick snoring lightly on the backseat, and Abby snug against Leah, her soft breaths hitting her collarbone. Leah’s right arm gone almost numb, but Abby looking so comfortable Leah doesn’t feel like moving away. The night a soft glittering blue around them, summer in full bloom. A silence like sinking in a well-worn featherbed inside the car. Leah’s heart beating steady for the rest of the way home, and too full for any words.

***

It’s Friday evening, and they’ve driven all the way to a clear water lake Simon’s parents used to take him to all the time when he was younger.

Leah and Bram are laying on the blanket they spread out, hair still wet from swimming, while Simon, Nick, and Abby kick a ball around on the grass.

The sun is already halfway down through the trees, and the sky’s blue is bleeding out into pinks and oranges that make Leah’s eyes ache if she looks at them for too long. There’s a cool breeze picking up that sways the upper branches of the trees, and raises goosebumps along Leah’s arms.

Abby looks over at Bram and Leah, and waves, throwing an exaggerated kiss their way.

Leah is goodnaturedly rolling her eyes, when Bram says: “You know, you should tell her’’

Leah’s entire self freezes over. ‘‘What? Who- what?’’

 _Excellent_ , she thinks. _Not suspicious at all. Congratulations, Leah_.

“Abby,” he says matter of factly, like Leah is wearing a shirt that has I Have Feelings for Abby Susso written in rainbow letters, and Bram is just referring to it. _You know, that thing_.

“Oh,” she says, and considers denying it. She technically still could, and it’d be so much easier. Bram isn’t even the sort of person to push someone when they’re uncomfortable, so she doesn’t think he’d call her on it if she denied it. But Leah is also tired, and Bram’s eyes are kind, so she says, quietly, “You know about that?”

Bram smiles sheepishly, “I have experience with seemingly fruitless crushes”

“You _did_ totally have a crush on Simon before. I wasn’t just imagining that”

Bram huffs out a laugh. “No, you were not”

“You don’t sound surprised that I knew”

Bram considers for a moment, then shrugs, as if the matter is of no real consequence. “I don’t think I was subtle or anything. I’m pretty sure that Simon didn’t notice because he’s-”

“Simon,” they both say in unison, and smile at one another in recognition, just two people who love Simon Spier. Clueless, lovable Simon Spier. Leah knows all about _that_.

They sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, and Leah is happy, once again, that Bram made the jump from friendly schoolmate to _friend_. There’s hardly anyone as sweet as Bram Greenfeld in this whole town, so Leah counts herself lucky.

“Anyways,” she says, picking at the hem of her sundress. “It doesn’t matter. The crush, I mean. She literally just broke up with Nick, and she probably doesn’t even _feel_ the same way. It’d just be awkward, you know? And I’ll get over it eventually,” she says, feeling like she just used entirely too many words in too little time.

Bram just looks at her, his soft brown eyes kind and knowing, and when he smiles, it matches his eyes perfectly. “I thought my crush on Simon was pointless too,” he shrugs. “You never know until you confess you’re their secret penpal while riding a ferris wheel”

Leah laughs, and goes back to watching Simon and Nick and Abby. And maybe allows herself to indulge in the idea of _just telling her_.

***

They stay over by the lake well into the night, and actually manage to get a bonfire going after a while.

The sky is dark but completely clear of clouds, the smattering of stars twinkling in red and orange and yellow. A chill descends from the trees, and they wrap themselves in blankets and eat s'mores. Simon and Bram tuck themselves under a blanket, and Leah never ceases to be amazed at how easily they fit, like magnetized puzzle pieces. Leah sits with Nick, a blanket spread over their legs, Abby sitting a bit to her right.

They tell dumb jokes, and even dumber ghost stories, and Leah thinks she’s never felt as good as she has this summer. Bram gets a guitar out at some point to Simon’s half-hearted groans, and Abby sings a few songs, one of them one of Leah’s favorites. When she’s done, she bows and blows kisses to all of them, and Leah says, not unhappily, ‘‘God, we’re like some cheesy perpetual Instagram story’’ 

She’s tucked into Nick’s side, her cold hand in his warm ones, and she can feel him smile into her hair, his voice warm, ‘‘It’s nice though’’

Abby chooses that moment to crash into them, all laughter and hands reaching out, and Leah can’t really help but sigh a contented agreement.

***

Let it be known that Leah Burke does not necessarily own a brain that operates before 9am.

It’s not really her fault then that when Abby calls her _before eight_ , all that comes out of her mouth is a string of nonsensical syllables.

Abby seems to think it’s funny, though. ‘‘Good morning to you too,’’ she says.

‘‘Abby, what the hell?’’ Leah groans, because it’s seven forty and they’ve been officially done with school for _weeks_ now.

‘‘Go to your window,’’ Abby says, and Leah wants to say that it’s really, truly too early to be doing this, but then a car honks right outside and Leah is getting off the bed, without even smoothing out her hair, and of course there’s Abby standing next to her mom’s car, looking for all the world like it’s not before eight in the morning. Abby sees Leah and waves, and on the phone says, way too enthusiastic, ‘‘I was thinking, why don’t you get dressed and we go on a road trip. Just the two of us’’

Leah would object to just about anyone else. If Simon or Nick came before eight unannounced, she would probably just close the door on them. But it’s _Abby_ , and _just the two of them_ , and Leah can only muster a half hearted eye roll before she agrees to go. She gets ready pretty quickly, lets her mom know she’s going out, and is outside before it’s actually eight.

‘‘God, I can’t believe you’re a _morning person_ ,’’ Leah says as she gets into Abby’s car. ‘‘That’s grounds for friendship termination, just so you know’’

Abby laughs, ‘‘Oh, come on. What’s wrong with being an early bird?’’

Leah makes a face of disgust, shaking her head in mock disapproval. ‘‘ _Early bird_. Well, I guess you couldn’t be _completely_ perfect’’

Abby’s answering smile is pleased, and a little flushed, and Leah definitely feels flushed herself, so she says, ‘‘Okay, so, what are we doing that requires you to be here at such an ungodly hour?’’

Abby scratches her cheek with one finger, and it’s an entirely too adorable mixture of nervous and amused. ‘‘First of all, it’s eight in the morning-’’

‘‘ _Exactly_ ’’

‘‘-and second of all, I told you: road tripping’’

Leah raises an skeptic eyebrow. ‘‘Okay, Miss Cryptic McCrypterson’’

‘‘Cryptic McCrypterson?’’ Abby says, barely clamping down a smile.

‘‘Shut up and get going’’

Abby laughs, but does get the car going. She actually refuses to tell Leah where they’re going, so after they get breakfast to go, Leah decides to focus on putting on some music, and ends up dozing off to Abby’s quiet singing.

When she wakes up they’re entering Atlanta, and Abby informs her, giddy, that they’re going to the aquarium.

The day’s as perfect as a day can get.

They spend the time in the aquarium walking around taking pictures of each other and of the different fish and sharks, and of each other _with_ the different fish and sharks. Turns out, Abby is a big shark fan, and her squeals of excitement every time they spot one make Leah smile so much her cheeks actually hurt. They even get a pretty neat selfie of themselves with a whale shark in the background that Leah makes her screensaver.

After the aquarium, they get something to eat, and they get back in the car. Abby drives them to a park, where they spread a blanket and sit to watch the drifting clouds and the jogging people.

‘‘This is nice,” Leah says quietly.

Her legs are stretched out in front of her, and Abby is sitting cross legged next to her. They’ve been watching the fluffy white clouds go by, naming them according to their shapes, and enjoying the faintly flower-scented breeze that sways the trees.

Nice is, actually, an understatement. But Leah doesn’t know any other way of expressing what she feels that isn’t way more obvious.

Abby looks over at her, her brown eyes bright in the noon sunshine. “Yeah, it really is”

There’s a beat where there’s only the birds chirping, and other people’s voices carrying over, and then Abby, voice as soft as a caress, is saying, “I’m really, really glad we met. And I’m glad you’re here with me today”

Leah feels warm all over, and it’s probably more because of how close Abby is than because of the sun. But she does her best to remain steady, and keep her tone as friend-like as possible. “I’m glad we met too,” she says, and it comes out with a lot more emotion than she planned, so she adds in her best deadpan, “Definitely glad we got so many stingray selfies today too”

Abby rolls her eyes, again with that mix of amusement and nervousness. “And you rag on Simon for being oblivious,” Abby says, and Leah is definitely sure that she’s leaning closer, her fingers placed on top Leah’s.

“Simon _is_ oblivious. No one’s as oblivious as Simon. _Everyone_ can mock him for it”

Abby stops close enough for Leah to smell her perfume, something fresh and airy and fruity. Her eyes flicker between Leah’s eyes and lips. “Will you please just let me kiss you?” she says, somehow managing to find a charming point between genuine question and impatient exasperation.

And, well, what is there for Leah to do but lean all the way into her, and kiss Abby Suso. It’s a gentle thing, a fluttering pressure. Abby’s lips are so soft, and taste of cherry chapstick, and her fingers press down on Leah’s, and Leah never wants to stop kissing her, even if it feels like her heart might give out any second.

When they do stop, it’s like Leah’s brain was left back in the moment before they kissed, and her mouth’s operating on its own, because the first breathless words out of it are: ‘‘Uh, what about Nick?’’

Abby looks slightly embarrassed, and Leah’s stomach just clams up. ‘‘Um. He knows’’

Leah blinks. She’s still very close to Abby, and half of her mind is still begging to breach the gap between them and kiss her again, so she can’t be blamed for only barely catching on to what Abby is saying. ‘‘He knows… what?’’

‘‘That I, um, like you. He’s known for a while. I told him after we broke up. Not- not _right_ after but.. after”

‘‘Oh,’’ Leah says, and suddenly a lot of looks from Nick in the last few weeks make a lot more sense. ‘‘ _Oh_ ’’

Abby’s smile is hesitant, but just as devastating as any heartbreak. ‘‘Yeah. I hope that’s okay. I didn’t want to make it awkward between you and him. I know you love each other and I, well, I love you too. And I wanted to do this right’’

And _god_ , no words are enough to describe how thoroughly great Abby Suso is. And how much Leah just wants to _kiss_ her again, kiss her for all the times in the past she’s wanted to, kiss her for all the time they’ve lost, and because the sun is shining above them and this park is beautiful and just a good place to make out, if she’s being honest. And for _this_ , for Abby knowing that Leah loves her friends, eye rolling and teasing aside, and wouldn’t have wanted to go on if she hadn’t known they’d be okay. And Leah wants to kiss Abby because she’s _Abby,_ simple as that. 

And because she can, she does, and she smiles all the way through.

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative Title #2: Wholesome Gay Teens, The Summer Adventure


End file.
